Stat Boy Dana’s Bachelor Party was a few weeks ago and Chip and Cern revisit the event. If you missed the Getting Older, Random, Elephant Penis show where Chip and Cern talked about their plans to prank Joe at the bachelor party be sure to give that one a listen.
Chip went to Cern’s house the night before the party and they got to drinking a few beers, did a podcast or two and didn’t really get all rested up for the big weekend. They both awoke Saturday morning with a hangover before the party even started.
Tee time was 9:40am on Saturday morning. Joe is very by the book when it comes to golf and wanted Chip and Cern to be there 30 minutes before the tee off. Chip and Cern didn’t listen to that advice and got themselves a nice bagel, some iced coffee and a few waters. Joe then called Cern to get some trash bags because the Bachelor Party group had already been marked and spotted the giant cooler Joe was going to put into his cart.
Dana’s cousin joined us for the golf round. He doesn’t deserve to be stuck with the likes of Chip and Cern. Brad also joined the group and he didn’t even golf, but he drove around the cart dropping off beers and spotting balls.
Joe can really put the hex on Cern’s golf game. He is always around with a sniper joke for Cern when he hits it in the drink.
When everyone gets to Hole 10, there is a water feature right behind and Cern is to tee off. Joe makes a comment about Cern putting it in the drink. Cern tees off and hits a worm burner 2 inches off the ground, which then hits the mowing strip and it bounced backed to the group who all hit the deck and the ball landed right in the drink.
Chip and Cern were going to play the same prank as they did at Cern’s birthday party. Hole 17 Chip and Cern move to attack on Joe’s bag. Dana was sitting in the cart and it was his party, so he was spared. When leaving hole 17 Joe’s bag was now a yard sale on the cart path. He wasn’t pleased, but everyone had a good laugh at Joe’s expense.
After driving off of the 18th, Chip pushed the luck and when back to back on Joe’s bag. It was down hill, so his cart got more speed going down hill.
After golf the group split up to just Dana, Brad, Chip and Cern. Everyone was starving, so everyone went to grab sushi. After watching some March Madness in the room, farting and general gross dude stuff the group walked to the local Whole Foods which featured a outdoor beer garden.
Everyone was having a great time at Whole Foods. Drinking some nice craft beers and busting balls all around. After a few hours Joe is done with the wedding and was headed back. There had been an inside joke about finding a Taphouse.
The theme for the weekend was just constant and relentless jabs, roasting and beating.
When Joe arrived there was hours of inside jokes and material that he wasn’t privy too. The moment he sat down the laughter started when Brad dropped “nice prison pussy Joe” referring to Joe’s goatee.
Everyone was texting Joe to pick everyone up, but he drove to the wrong place because of the Taproom text which was intended to troll Dana. Joe said when he was driving up he wanted to plow his car through the building to run everyone over when he saw us laughing there.
Everyone went back to the room and started on some more beers, when Tony joined and of course brought more beers.
Everyone got to the casino around 11pm. Chip and Cern aren’t big gamblers, so they were going to play $100 and that would be it for the night. Joe, Dana, Brad and Tony took of in the casino to hit the tables. Chip and Cern went for more beers and sat down at the slots and started a Marco Polo chat with Chip’s wife who wanted some action on the slots.
After a hour or two Chip and Cern take off to relocate the rest of the party and Chip spotted a $5 minimum blackjack table. Cern was on Chip’s shoulder helping him play and just adding in the silliness. Chip had already been at the table for 2 hours with the same $50 bucks he started with. Many people at the table with Chip were complaining about how loud it was. Chip had been at the table for nearly 3 hours now and Cern, Joe and Brad joined the table. Joe and Brad were out of funds, so Chip threw them $15 each to play so everyone could hangout and have fun together.
Joe and Brad’s luck turned and they were growing stacks with the $15. Joe started playing the “Lucky Lucky” bet which Chip usually calls a sucker’s bet. Joe hit one for $400 and that caught Chip’s attention real quick. Everyone was having a lot of fun and someone said “you ready to go” to Chip and he looked at his watch and it was nearly 4am. Everyone packed up and rolled back to the casino. Joe gave Chip about $700 from his winnings and Brad had close to $200 for Chip. Chip paid out Joe and Brad for their help. On the way out of the casino Chip remembered he had to play the rest of the money his wife wanted and he hit $40 on a $1 bet and that was the end of the casino time for the group.
Everyone rolled back to the hotel at 4:30am and more grab ass took place in the wee hours of the morning, mostly driven by Chip’s drunkenness.
Sunday morning came and the group needed to get to Sacramento for some March Madness and of course some hair of the dog at an Irish bar playing some darts. The game was fun and everyone enjoyed themselves. Chip and Cern had to leave after the first game to get back to the real world.
The weekend was a success, and nobody ended up in jail.
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