Chip and Cern bring in Superfans Joe and Dana to cover the comments from old foggy Goose Goassage about the current state of baseball. Dana hates Bryce Harper. Joe is wearing a smart looking Giants golf polo. We are still celebrating Cern's bday weekend, so there is boozing.
Bryce Harper: baseball is a tired sport
Goose Gossage v Baustisa
“Bautista is a fucking disgrace to the game. He’s embarrassing to all the Latin players, whoever played before him,” Goose raged. “Throwing his bat and acting like a fool, like all those guys in Toronto. [Yoenis] Cespedes, same thing.” Oh, and don’t even get him started on MLB’s increasing reliance on statistics-based analysis, which Gossage says has turned the game into a nerd’s paradise. And there’s no place for that in baseball. Or something “This game is becoming a freaking joke because of the nerds who are running it,” he said. “I’ll tell you what has happened; these guys played rotisserie baseball at Harvard or wherever the fuck they went and they thought they figured the fucking game out. They don’t know shit.” Those same nerds are also apparently responsible for MLB rule changes designed to eliminate home plate collisions and takeout slides at second base. “A bunch of fucking nerds running the game. You can’t slide into second base. You can’t take out the fucking catcher because [Buster] Posey was in the wrong position and they are going to change all the rules. You can’t pitch inside anymore. I’d like to knock some of those fuckers on their ass and see how they would do against pitchers in the old days.” And with that, Gossage grew quiet, perhaps realizing that those old days – nay, his very way of life – was slowly evaporating, an inevitable consequence of time’s inexorable march. Humbled by this, he tugged at his mustache, peered toward the horizon and finally knew that our time is finite and our end final. Just kidding, he blamed computers for ruining everything. “[Pitch counts] have been created from the top, from their computers,” Gossage said. “They are protecting these kids. The first thing a pitcher does when he comes off the mound is ask: ‘How many pitches do I have?’ If I had asked that fucking question, they would have said: ‘Son, get your ass out there on the mound. If you get tired, we’ll come and get you.”